I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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