You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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