i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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