I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
