So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
