Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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