is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
