i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
