True but thats because hes a fetus.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
