i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
