Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's always time for handjobs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
