woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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