Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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