Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
