talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
