so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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