spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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