i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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