i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
