i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
