who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
