as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
