I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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