All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I stole a fireplace last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
