My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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