I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
