Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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