He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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