I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
