just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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