she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
