She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
