wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
