you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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