im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
