your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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