My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
