4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
