I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
