Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
