now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
