were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
