He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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