he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
