end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
