I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
