Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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