You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
