so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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