Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
